December 17, 2012


There are so many who do this better, the writing and blogging about the difficult things, the worst things. Who by tapping into their own grief and experiences and wisdom can offer something small and hopeful to pause over in front of your monitor or laptop or tablet, just for a few moments, before you click on over to the next moment.

I can't offer you any of that.  I'm a public blogger but hold my deepest feelings close, in check. I don't ever share my extremes with you, beyond the general ennui of modern life that often dogs my days. 

So I offer this, just a little story, a private moment from Saturday night:

Tucker, who turned 8 a few weeks ago, has a rock-solid and specific bedtime routine: there are kisses, there are hugs, and most importantly, there is the sharing of dreams. Each night, in turn, he asks me and my husband what we plan to dream about: "What will you dream?" My husband's answers are often silly and surreal (they're dreams, after all): flying kitties in marshmallow clouds, singing fluorescent Gummi bears, driving a huge monster truck as big as our house. 

After I plant the final kisses on my boy's tummy and dim his lamp, it's then my turn to share what my dreams will be. My offerings are less flamboyant and more calming: I'll dream that we're all on a wonderful family picnic, or that he & I are walking together in a snowy forest.

Usually Tucker, tired and drowsy, will claim one of our dreams for his own plans: I'm gonna dream about daddy's flying kitties, or I'll be coming with you on that picnic.

On Saturday, tired and going to bed extra late after an evening of family fun, I gave Tucker my kisses and my dream (something vague about Christmas). In turn, he said clearly, with his eyes closed: "I'm going to dream that I'm invincible." Oh! I said. That's a big word. Why will you be invincible? "So I can always be safe, so nothing can ever hurt me."

I asked him, who'd been purposely shielded from any news accounts of the Sandy Hook tragedy, if he worried about being safe. "No. I just want to be invincible."

That's a terrific dream, buddy, I whispered in his ear. I think I'm going to dream that for you, too

Oh, that dreams and magic and flying kitties could always be so. 
I'm going to be scarce around here. Last week, when the world seemed a little more simple, I planned to participate in a Christmas home tour link up tomorrow and share my retro holiday home. But now, that doesn't feel right for me at all.

Maybe I'll share a few pics of what we're up to, here and there over the next week and through the end of 2012, but certainly no tour, no link parties for me. See you back soon, and in the meantime, stay safe. And happy dreaming, if you can pull that off.  

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